Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
