I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
