I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My underwear smells like fireworks.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
