i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
