I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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