the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
