So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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