My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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