Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
