My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
