please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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