it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
