saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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