The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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