He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Randomize
