I CAN MOONWALK!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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