I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
