Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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