just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
