I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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