Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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