I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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