i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
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There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
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yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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