The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize