I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
