All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
