I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
