The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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