if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
