So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
