apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...