butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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