Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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