Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
