Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
