I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
