so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
