she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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