So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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