like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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