things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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