Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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