just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
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I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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