The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
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If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
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What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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