Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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