2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
