nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
