I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
