Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
