I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
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i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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