I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
