theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
