Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i love accidental penises.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
