Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
