I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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