Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
