I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
