New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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