There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
